Verbs are the soul of the English language. Use it.

Example: My mother was worried and terrified ⇒ My mother’s eyes exuded worry and terror.

Don’t talk about your weaknesses or illness, even if you’re trying to show how you managed despite them. Colleges, unfortunately, despite what they say, still want students who are most likely to succeed. The weaknesses or mental illnesses you have, to them, will be a hinder to your success. Showing them is nothing short of flaunting your dirty laundry. They would fear that these issues surface and affect your life and your study. As much as you want to prove how strong you are, avoid this topic because you have other aspects to explore.

Some of the criticisms I got on my previous essay ideas were: too self-conscious and self-absorbed, too insecure, to generically feminine (writing about makeup)

Don’t criticise college life by deeming it as ‘too idealistic and impractical’

Avoid making your audience uncomfortable. This includes not only ideological opposition but also word choice. Each word you choose will have a subconscious effect on the reader. Satisfy your audience.

Choose German English over Latin English. German English words are shorter, less formal, thus more friendly. Latin English words are more formal and complex, thus more distant. Academic papers will have Latin English words to channel that technical, fancy, superior air, but not literary works, like a personal statement that needs to form a bond with the reader. Long fancy mechanical words make you sound fake. Exceptions are when you need to make your ideas precise, abstract, or technical.

Write shitty first drafts. Seriously. Be messy and spontaneous and intuitive in your first draft. See where it takes you.